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Grandparents today, though often well-intentioned, may express criticism or offer advice about your parenting style. While this unsolicited advice can be frustrating, it’s important to remember that these criticisms typically stem from a generational gap in parenting norms. Here are some common criticisms and respectful responses to help share the reasons behind your parenting choices and maintain a positive relationship.
Every child is a unique individual, born with their own distinct personality and temperament. Some are easy-going, some slow to adapt, and others challenging. An authoritarian parenting style tends to prioritize obedience and conformity and may make a child feel unloved or misunderstood. If you are challenged in your discipline style, you might respond with , “I’m working on balancing discipline with understanding. I want to foster a healthy relationship based on trust, so I’m trying to approach things a bit differently than we did growing up.”
Research has now shown the holding and cuddling infants when they cry helps them to grow into happy, secure, well-adjusted children and develop a sense of security and attachment. If you are criticized for comforting your baby when they cry, it may help to say, “I understand that the ‘cry it out’ method worked for you, and I appreciate your perspective. I want to make sure I’m responding to their needs in a way that helps them feel safe and loved, so that’s why I’m choosing to comfort them right now.”
Parents that were forced to use cloth diapers before the development of disposable diapers often don’t understand why one would choose cloth diapers. If you’ve chosen to use cloth diapers, you may need to have a longer conversation with your child’s grandparents about your motivations, which may include environmental benefits of reduced waste, cost-effectiveness, fewer chemicals, or a better option for sensitive skin. It’s important to share these motivations in a respectful way, such as stating, “I understand that disposables are more convenient, but I prefer cloth diapers for environmental reasons, and I think they’re gentler on their skin.”
No matter what advice you are given or criticism you receive, it is important to acknowledge their experience, set boundaries kindly, and use “I” statements.
Grandparents: Getting Started is taught by certified Safe Sitter® Instructors across the country and teaches grandparents tips to create a good relationship from the start (including avoiding being critical and offering advice!). Use our Find A Class feature to connect with Providers in your area and inquire if they offer this program. If you cannot find a class near you, you can purchase a copy of the Grandparents: Getting Started Participant Handbook.
